Transformers MTMTE: Pains in the Aft
by DodgeStreaker
Summary: He's tried EVERYTHING, throwing them in the brig, locking them in their quarters, cuffing them to a chair, but they always managed to get free, cause even MORE mischief and of course, be an even bigger pain in the aft, because when Rodimus and Drift are drunk, Ultra Magnus is the one who's going to have a headache - Disclaimer: Transformers MTMTE (c) IDW/Hasbro - Side note in story
1. Its Going to be a Long Night

Side Note: This story was based(and actually created) by two RPs with my friend Shane about drunk Rodimus and Drift vs sober Ultra Magnus XD, enjoy our weirdness put into a story!(We might do more later on! XD)

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"Ultra Magnus! You know just exactly how paranoid I get being Lost Light's Security Director, but can you do something about those two drunken idiots wandering the hallways?" Red Alert had practically stormed into Ultra Magnus' office. Frowning, exhausted and extremely paranoid at all times, it was so much like that indeed, it could be in his job description, but this little '_event_' seem to tip him over the edge a bit more then usual. Crossing his arms he continued to stand there, waiting for a response but none was given. "Well? Are you going to do something before I short circuit a fuse!" There was still no answer. "Well I have to get back to work, but I still **highly** advise you to do something, before _**they**_ do something stupid, like blow a hole into the ship!" Opening the door, he seemed to grimace as he stepped aside to let Ultra Magnus see for himself. "See what I mean!"

Both Rodimus and Drift stumbled around in the hallway, laughing, playfully hitting each other, but it was obvious that the two of them were completely drunk. They were talking a bunch of nonsense and sometimes even saying words that were...well, not even words to begin with. To Magnus, it was quite funny, but he still had a job to do being Second in Command, and if Red Alert was complaining these two were drunk, then he was going to have to do something about it. The two, however, stopped not too far in from the office door, Drift holding out his Great Sword and waving it around a bit as if it was a toy or something.

"Oh lookie Roddy! I got this **awesome** magical staff thingy!" He said cheerfully, yet nonetheless, still drunk, though the wording choice he used was fairly understandable. Without any further second delay Drift was tackled right off his feet, nearly making Magnus jump up from his seat in surprise as the two rolled around on the floor a little, while Rodimus, trying his best to grab the sword. However the sword was just a little too far out of the young leader's reach.

"I wanna use the magical staff thingy! My turn! My turn!" Rodimus chanted finally able to grab the weapon and trying to pry Drift's hand from the hilt but failing, though he was giving it his best effort...whatever effort he was putting into it at the very least, anyone could say. However, Drift's grip seemed to be the strongest of the two and he refused to let go of it as he tried to push the drunk captain off himself.

"No! Its mine Roddy! Get your own!" Drift hissed causing Rodimus to give his best, yet somewhat real, upset-pouty face. Both Red Alert and Ultra Magnus continued to watch, increasing tension between the two and Red seemed to be on a scale that just kept going higher, and Magnus wouldn't be surprised if he ended up shooting at the them. Of course he would have to stop the violence before someone was to get hurt, but for now, he would just watch until someone made a move.

"Well...Yeah I see what you mean." Magnus said letting out a long sigh as Red spun around on his heels to face him once again and pointed at the two behind him with a scowl. His senors seemed like they were on the fritz as they flashed brightly from the growing tension.

"Then do something about it already!" He yelled before marching off to his office, his senors going crazy as they continued to flash red out of both being annoyed and paranoid. If Ultra Magnus didn't correct this '_little_' issue soon, Red would certainly short circuit something, and that's a problem he really didn't want to have to deal with.

"Come on! Give me the magic staff Drifty!" Rodimus complained and Magnus' rolled his optics at the pet name their leader had just given to his third. However, the white mech didn't even seem to flinch at the name or recall what he had even said, and just continued to try to shove him off while trying to wave his hands away from the sword.

"No! Its mine! **Mine**! I got this by an awesome wizard guy!" Drift said and Ultra Magnus had to suppress a laugh, from the '_wizard guy_'part. He seriously wondered how he came up with that, because that's just stupid, idiotic, and very ridiculous. Though it only made Rodimus try even harder to get it, now probably thinking its a lot more '_special_' because Drift got it from a '_wizard_' but seriously this was getting a little out of hand. Slamming his hands against the desk, Ultra Magnus stood up and walked over to them, taking Rodimus off Drift and pulling them both to their feet, steadying them before he said anything.

"Both of you get some sleep, **NOW**!" Magnus commanded his voice stern and Rodimus covered his audio receptors as if it hurt, but the loudness of the command probably did make his head pulse from the headache that was slowly developing. Drift just let out a gasp as if it surprised him, and it most likely did, of course, the two of them couldn't really tell what was going on with their processors clouded by all that high grade.

"He started it!" Drift said pointing at Rodimus and the flame colored Captain frowned childishly, giving a stomp before replying to the white mech's remark.

"Me? Mags don't believe him! He started it!" Rodimus pouted giving the best heated glare he could muster in his drunken state. Ultra Magnus just stared for a few seconds, processing the pet name he had just been given and then he grimaced at him. He really didn't want to get involved with this. Snapping out of his thoughts he returned to being on task with this and separated the two as they glared at each other and looked like they were getting ready to maul one another.

"Well for one, I don't care who started it! So go to your quarters now and get some sleep! Or I'll throw you into the brig!" Magnus scowled and Rodimus flailed around a bit at the thought of going to his room, and he began pouting on an extreme level that Magnus was ready to just slap him out of his senses in order to shut him up.

"B-But! I don't wanna go to my room! Mags you're a meanie!" Rodimus pouted and stepping away from the much bigger mech with a frown a youngling would give when having to do something they didn't want to do. _So, this was the drunk side of Rodimus? Wow that was a little...excepted actually_, Magnus thought rubbing his optics. Waving his Great Sword around a bit in the direction of the second, Drift said a few words of nonsense before actually making sense.

"Magical staff use your awesome powers to turn Mags into a Petrorabit!" Drift grinned thinking it would work and Magnus just grimaced at the pet name again, that now they were both using on him, will the stupidity ever end? They waited another minute or so before Drift's grin faded into a confused yet sad look at he looked at the sword with pleading optics. "No! Wizard, why won't the staff work?" He looked like such a child with that face, it was truly strange to see him like this though. Turning his attention back on Rodimus the young Captain was staring off into space.

"Fine, Rodimus you can stay with me, but get some sleep, both of you." He finally said indicating his office where there was a few extra empty chairs. However Rodimus was quick to snap out his daze and he jumped back, obviously his way of saying no, but of course he had to back it up with words to.

"I don't wanna sleep! I'm not tired!" He yelled staggering back a bit, unaware that he was lying to himself and probably over stressing himself about this whole incident. _Why can't he just sleep like a good like drunk_, Ultra Magnus thought knowing that if he were the one drunk he'd just want to go snuggle up in his berth and sleep the headache away, not make it worse by messing around like these two were. His attention was so focused on Rodimus, he didn't even bother to register what Drift was doing, let alone what he was talking about as he held up his sword asking; "wizard, can you hear me?"

"You know what? I don't care Rodimus! Sleep, **NOW**!" Magnus commanded once again and Rodimus sniffled as if his feelings had been hurt-which in his sense they probably were-as he quietly muttered to himself, the only thing Magnus heard was him being called a; "meanie" by the smaller mech. The two of them were caught off guard when Drift let out a loud gasp and held his sword out.

"The staff talked!" Drift said proudly with a cheeky grin and Rodimus was back to his cheery drunk self as he whirled around to face Drift, his expression bright, and letting out a gasp at Drift's '_discovery_'. That was the only spark that needed to kindle that flame once again. Now Magnus wished Drift would have just stayed quiet...yeah right, like that was going to happen...Though more to himself, Magnus muttered a confused; "what?" as he looked around seeing if there was anyone else around to mess around with Drift's mind. But there was no one else around.

"Well, what did it say to you Drifty?" Rodimus asked cheerfully and he seemed to be overflowing with excitement and he bounced up and down several times before Drift just looked at him and stuck out his glossa in the direction of their Captain.

"Not telling you! Its a secret! The wizard told me himself!" Drift remark crossing his arms and Rodimus frowned called him a jerk. In all cases this was just getting worse by the minute. He had to take control over the situation else this would really get out of hand, and that's not something he wanted to deal with.

"Will the both of you just shut the frag up and go sleep! You know what? Sleep in the hallway for all I care! Just stop being such a pain in the aft!" Ultra Magnus roared and Rodimus just crossed his arms with a smug look on his face, now remembering a little bit of his authority and glaring hotly up at his SIC but Magnus just glared back at him. Surprisingly he didn't even flinch when the glare had been returned to him.

"No! You shuddup and that's an order!" Rodimus pouted and of course, due to him being intoxicated and not knowing what he's really saying, there was nothing in the regulations that required Magnus to follow that command. After being quiet for a few seconds Rodimus had thought he had won and Drift started to jump around excitedly as he claimed he'd take three more cubes of high grades, especially the ones with a little zing to it. Sighing Magnus practically speaking, grabbed Rodimus and started to drag him in the direction of his quarters, the young leader flailing around. "No! Don't take away my video games! Mags please! I'll do my homework!" He just shook his head as he continued his way, Drift seemed to be following happily yet still drunk behind them. "I promise, please! I like my video games!"

"Can I have a Petrorabit? Please~? I'll take good care of it! All by myself to!" Drift asked happily as he hugged his Great sword. Magnus looked back slightly to the white mech and quickly shook his head coming up with his answer.

"No Rodimus and Drift go to your quarters." Magnus demanded and Rodimus gave a sniffle, coolant running down his face, jumping up and hugging his second in command, though Magnus just sighed knowing it was all an act. But of course, his CO didn't know that he knew and continued on with his begging anyways.

"Please! I want my video games back! Please can I have them back? I'll be a good boy, I promise to do all my homework!" Rodimus cried out, and Magnus tried prying him off, but was surprised by how well the smaller mech had a grip on him. Aside from that, Drift still stood, a brightening smile on his face that a praise younging would have.

"What about the wizard? Can he come with me? He's going to teach me all sorts of magic spells!" Magnus glanced at Drift finally telling him that he didn't care what Drift did and if he wanted to bring the 'wizard' with him to his room, but returning all his attention to Rodimus was the problem he wish was as easy as Drift. Once again trying to pry the flame colored mech off him he tried to tell him to go to sleep again, but of course he wasn't getting anywhere with that. Still clinging to him, unwilling to even budge he let out another plea. "Please?" The larger mech was actually tempted to yell again, when Drift suddenly said; "yay! come on wizard, to my room!" and literally started to skip away... Giving another sniffle he continued on. "But why? I got good grades! I swear, even ask Rwatchet!" Out of all the things he could say he had to say; "Rwatchet"... Sighing once again he was able to set the drunk captain down on his berth, however he was still clinging to him, refusing to let go,

"Let go Rodimus." There was no response and he just assumed that was a; "no" in this case. "Fine, what do you want me to do?" Giving another sniffle he gave a muffled answer of the same thing again, wanting his video games back. "Alright, come on." Another question, this time asking if they're getting his video games, and now Ultra Magnus was just wondering how he was so entertained by primitive things like those anyways. "Yes, only if you shut up and sleep." Grabbing a few he knew was their CO's favorites he placed them on the shelf for Rodimus to see. "There, will you sleep now?" Holding up his arms in a childish manner, he knew what he was asking for and he sighed from it. "Fine." Kneeling down he let the smaller of the two hug him and he patted his back a few times, letting him cling to him for a little while.

"Yay." The flame colored mech murmured, yawning pretending he was really getting tired from this and Magnus gave a few thoughts of relief that'd he finally be able to get some work done. However not being able to see Rodimus' face, he didn't even have a thought that maybe it was all a trick as a wide smirk grew onto the young Captain's face and he pulled out a tazer from nowhere, zapping his second, grabbing his games and zooming out of the room. Growling from annoyance and a little pain from the shock he had just gotten he quickly jumped to his feet and chased after him. However the smaller had gotten a good head start on this little race of theirs as he began to taunt things he really didn't know, wasn't entirely true. "Can't catch me! Can't catch me! I'm faster then Blurr!" Grabbing his sidearm, Magnus aimed it, putting it on a stun setting though.

"Well if I can't catch you then, I can shoot you." Rodimus gave a yelp as he saw him pull out the blaster and aim it at him, causing him to sprint a little faster. Magnus wondered if Red Alert was watching this, and he wondered what his expression is at the moment. But of course his attention was snapped back to Rodimus as he shouted; "Mags got a gun! Mags got a gun!" And he gave a grunt at the comment. "Stop and I won't shoot."

"B-But! I don't wanna get grounded!" Rodimus swiftly took a turn as he finished the sentence, and he took that as an odd thing to say. Following him around the corner, he tried to reassure that he wouldn't '_ground_' him, and of course like seen as clear as day, Rodimus shot back his own response against his words, yelling; "Liar! Liar!" The blue mech grunted, counteracting and saying he wasn't lying of course, he could be though, but Rodimus didn't need to know that. "They all say that!" Okay...so maybe he did know. They both came to a halt when Drift walked out from his room, both blue and orange paint smeared all over him.

"Magic spells backfired...oh! Are we racing? I wanna play! I wanna play!" Drift seemed to be bouncing around uncontrollably at the idea of joining in on 'playing this game' but he was only given a smile and of course permission to join in, even giving this '_game_' a name. Called it; "Run and Hide from Mags!" and once again, he grimaced at the pet name given to him. The way Drift had been bouncing around there was no doubt in Magnus' processor that he probably somehow had gotten his servos on more high grade...

"I've had enough of this chasing around, Drift! The '_wizard_' says he wishes to see you in your quarters." Magnus said going along with Drift's strange...well whatever, but it worked, because Drift dashed into his room asking what the '_wizard_' wanted to say to him. Taking this as his chance he shot Rodimus, stunning him as he walked over, picking up the flame colored mech, but of course not before locking Drift in his quarters and returning to Rodimus', doing the same with him. Sighing in relief thinking it was finally over he headed to the rec room, he needed a little break...

* * *

He couldn't sleep, he still wasn't aware that he was drunk and his processor kept telling him he was completely fine, nothing wrong with him. He rolled around constantly on the floor, several times he had tried to get out of his room, but the door wouldn't open and he was tempted to try to break it down. But he just wasn't up for it and he didn't feel like lifting up some heavy anyways. But there had to be another way out of here, there just had to be, because he had **big** plans to do! Plans to have lots of fun with Drift, and of course, try to get Mags to have fun to. But how was he going to go through with those plans if he was stuck in his room from a reason he wasn't sure about. His thoughts, they seemed all wavy and foggy in his mind and sometimes his optics were playing tricks on him but hey, he thought that was perfectly normal. Rolling onto his back he felt dizzy as he stared up at the ceiling. And then it hit him. The vent was his way out!

"Yes! That, tunnel thing in the top will be my escape!" He staggered to his feet and rushed over to his desk, nearly toppling as if he hadn't stood up and walked and ran around in years. Climbing up onto the desk he took a stance and jumped, grabbing onto the vent's hatch out of pure luck and he opened it, climbing in. "Now, I've got to is find my partner!" He said not really realizing his sentence didn't really make sense. After what seemed like forever to him-which was probably only about five minutes-he finally found Drift's room and he pushed open the hatch and tumbled out of the vent. Drift jumping high in the air in surprise and saying a whole bunch of nonsense thinking it was '_magic_'. "Drifty! Do you have any sort of useable magic we can use?" Drift went into thought-or what seemed like it anyways-before snapping and grabbed two paint guns. One with blue paint, the other with orange paint.

"The wizard calls it; "tricky sticky magic" see its hard to get off." Pointing to the smeared paint all over his armor. Rodimus gave a thumbs up. "So what we do? I can't get out." Drift asked and tried the door again. Rodimus looked at the door controls, tilting his head to the side a bit before punching in a whole bunch of random codes-which somehow worked as an override code-and the door slid open. "Oh my Primus! You know magic Roddy!" Drift exclaimed and Rodimus shook his head.

"No magic Drifty, cool powers talking codes. So lets go!" They both dashed out, somehow managing not to get lost and make it all the way back to Magnus' office. "This is Mags' lair! Quick set the trap!" The two staggered around the room a bit before setting up their paint guns, somehow rigging the entire office so if someone were to sit down in the chair behind the desk the paint guns would open fire. "There! Trick that'd do!" Quickly running out of the room, stumbling a bit they ran down the hallway but was stopped when Magnus stepped out in front of them and stared down at them darkly. "Oh noes...Mags got us." Grabbing the both of them he literally dragged them into his office and locked the door behind them.

"How did you two get out?" He growled the question, and they both yelped. After waiting a few moments of getting no answer he sat them both down and they wondered what was going to happen next, and they were both taken by surprise when they heard a click and they could hardly move their hands. "Those cuffs should keep you out of trouble." The both watched wide eyed as Magnus made his way over to his desk's chair, and Rodimus quickly went to work at picking the locks on the cuffs. Sitting down, the least expected happened and blue and orange paint strayed everything in the room, not like they had expected it to, only thinking it would spray Magnus, not all three of them...

"Tricky stick magic...backfired..." Drift muttered to himself, but Rodimus was just laughing his head off. Ultra Magnus, glared at them, quickly standing to stop the paint from spraying them and he quickly marched over to them, shutting up Rodimus right away.

"You little slaggers!" He roared and both of them jumped up from their chairs, cuffs falling to the floor and they rushed to the other side of the room, Rodimus repeating; "oh we're in trouble..." over and over again and Drift just nodded in agreement. "Oh you have no idea. That's it I'm throwing you both in the brig!" Throwing the two of them over his shoulders, they both kicked and thrashed, complaining loudly and annoyingly until he growled at them to shut up and they did, a little scared...

"Roddy, we going to the dungeon?" Drift asked scared and Rodimus gave him a nod.

"I think so..." Throwing them both in different cells he locked the doors and took a seat, crossing his arms and watching them intently, obviously he wasn't going to leave now, else they'd just free themselves and do more damage.

"I'll let you two out when you're sober." Ultra Magnus grimaced, not really wanting to stay there so he could wash of this paint but knowing if he left they'd get out. Rodimus reached through the bars, trying his best to grab at Magnus, trying to get him to unlock the door. Seeing he couldn't reach his SIC he started to whimper, ignoring that Drift had probably finally just given up and curled into a ball trying to sleep.

"B-But I am so-bar." He whimpered and Magnus rolled his optics.

"I'll let you out in the morning. So just go to sleep, like Drift." Rodimus looked over to see Drift, already asleep from exhaustion. Complying, Rodimus curled up against the back wall, slipping off into his own little dream world.


	2. The Aftermath

Rodimus woke up with a groan, not excepting his helm to be pulsing with such a major headache. He didn't even realize he was sprawled out on the cold flooring either until he tried to sit up and hit his forehead harshly against the edge of a berth. Laying back down he rubbed his optics and temple, trying to ease down the headache and pain from hitting his helm as much as he possibly could, however his attempts were failing him. Though he did realize he wasn't in his own quarters after a quick few moments of taking notice to the lighting and he shot up like a rocket, this time making sure to avoid hitting the berth again, but before he could even question where he was he slipped out something different.

"Oh my aching head...what hit me?" He muttered to himself as he let his vision refocus on now the much brighter lighting. He hadn't even noticed the company or the opening of barred doors, let alone he had expected himself to get an answer to his self question.

"Nothing, you were drunk, unless you count hitting your head against the underside edge of the berth just a minute ago." Rodimus swore he jumped right out of his armor when he had received the answer and he swiftly looked to see Ultra Magnus sitting in the same place he was the other night, the paint had dried and some of it he seemed to be scratching off carefully, not wanting to chip his own paint. However, now the door to his cell was open now, giving his access to leave when he pleased. And somehow, Rodimus had a pang of guilt beating it's way through his processor though he couldn't remember from what it could have been from, the whole other night was completely hazy.

"Oh man, what did I do?" Magnus rubbed the back of his helm for a moment before sitting up straight once again, shrugging it off merely stating in silent wording; "a lot" and Rodimus frowned at a disturbing thought that crept into his processor. "We didn't...ya know...did we?" He asked, he felt as if his "stubborn" curiosity was getting the better of him and he did a few unnecessary hand motions just in case Magnus didn't get what he had meant. Magnus just seemed to grimace at the question and Rodimus tensed up a bit, fearing for the worst answer that could come.

"No, we didn't." Ultra Magnus answered darkly, jaw clenching at the question. He wouldn't even second thought that one, it was just...disturbing and Rodimus sighed out of relief muttering a quiet; "oh, that's a relief" and Magnus went and continued on. "But you were a complete nuisance, you wouldn't quit bugging me about video games, in the case I don't even want to know where you had gotten those from and you also tazed me and gave me a good run for my credits."

"...Okay? I understand the whole video games part but...who in Primus' name gave me the tazer!" Ultra Magnus shrugged it off, a silent; "I don't know, where did you get it?" was all that was said. "How should I know? I was drunk! For all I know I could have gotten it from Whirl!" He whimpered as he finished yelling, he swore his processor's pulsing was going to split his head in half. Suffering from hangover was something he really didn't want to deal with all day, he'll have to visit Ratchet later. Magnus shrugged again, stating he did have a good point with that. "Yeah...anyways I have paint on me...? Why?" He gestured to himself and then to back to his SIC as well.

"Oh right, I forgot to mention that didn't I? That's from Drift." Rodimus seemed to stiffen from that quickly and panicking saying; "what do you mean; 'that's from Drift' what did he do!" and Magnus quickly caught up to his fault, feeling a slight pang of guilt of how he had made the answer sound perverted. "He was doing; 'magic tricks' as in with paintguns." Rodimus gave a questionable; "what?" before Magnus continued. "Don't worry he didn't 'face with you, he was also really drunk too and thought his sword could talk and that he had gotten it from some '_wizard_' guy. Also you both tagged team on me."

"Primus! Just how much fragging high grade did we drink?" Rodimus yelled and groaned from the sudden pulse through his processor, telling him it wasn't a good idea to yell. Ultra Magnus just made a short quick statement of; "way too much" and Rodimus slouched against the wall. "Can you tell me anything else?"

"There really isn't much to tell from there on besides I that I had to throw you two in the brig." The young leader frantically started to look around, now obviously trying to find Drift who was nowhere to be seen in the other empty cells. "He already left, he woke up an hour or so before you did, went to visit Ratchet from some painkillers to help the headache...and to also disarm those paintguns in my office and wash this stuff off."

"Well that was quite...the interesting story..." The flame colored mech said, getting to his feet. "Welp, I'll be off to Ratchet's now...probably get my aft kicked by him, but oh well." Staggering out of the brig Rodimus turned to the general direction of the medibay. After a few minutes Magnus slouched down in his seat huffing out a sigh._ Really what am I going to do with those two?_ His thought caused him to stay seated for a few more seconds before he got up and headed off, he really needed to get his paint off him. He knew his question was going to remain unanswered, only because he knew there was really nothing he could do about those two, only try to keep them from killing each other or getting themselves killed and also trying to keep them in line while he had the chance. Because there was always the possibility of those two being future criminals in his mind set, always…

"ULTRA MAGNUS! WE HAVE A SITUATION!" Red Alert yelled at him over the speakers. Well, nevermind about getting this paint off anytime soon….

"Alright I'm on my way." He sighed. His life was never easy.


End file.
